How to Improve Conversational Skills to get a Partner

Related image

So there you are in the club; you’ve been watching a woman for a while now, but she hasn’t noticed you. You finish your drink, it’s time to act. You stride over, full of confidence and swagger, make some introductory remark that is the right balance of funny, clever and bold, and then…

Nothing happens. Maybe she didn’t hear what you said because the music is too loud. Maybe she’s ignoring you. Maybe she didn’t find your joke funny. Maybe she thinks you’re creepy. Maybe she’s heard that line before.

You stand there awkwardly for a moment, wondering if it’s too late to just… shuffle away. No, you’re in now, and you must complete what you’ve started. You attempt small talk, but it’s too late. You subtly drift away, somewhat humiliated.

If this experience sounds familiar to you, do not fear. There’s probably nothing wrong with you, you’re just taking conversation waaaay too seriously.

Here are few simply methods to improve your conversational skills; these can be used in a club, at a social function, at work, the gym or in any everyday scenario.

Rule number 1: Relax!

The first thing you have to do is relax; don’t over think things. In fact, the longer you spend planning to talk to someone, waiting for the right opportunity, the harder you’re making it for yourself.

Almost nobody is going to be hostile towards somebody making conversation with them. I mean, how offensive can a simple “Hey, how are you?” possibly be?

It doesn’t matter whether a conversation leads to anything, it can simply be conversation for the sake of conversation. That’s why it’s important not to ‘target’ the woman you want to talk to (and don’t go and talk to her friend instead, hoping you can make your come-on less obvious, it’s the oldest trick in the book); instead, talk to everyone. If you’re in a club, talk to the door staff, the toilet attendants, the men, the women, the bar staff, the people either side of you. Honestly, it doesn’t matter. The more people you talk to, the more people you’ll be introduced to.

Rule number 2: Don’t take yourself –or anyone- too seriously

Now some people say they don’t like small talk; but really, what is the alternative?
You march up to a stranger and say “Excuse me, but what is your opinion on the salinization of the pacific basin?”

It’s not ideal.

Often people make the mistake of believing that when they are talking to strangers, they have to appear impressive or cool. Believe me when I say, women can see through this façade.

You’ll have much more success if you make a few casual comments, don’t take yourself too seriously; if you’re in a club, joke about how you dance like a five year old with ADHD and Rickets. This has the double-effect of making the person you’re talking to feel at ease, and insulating you from insult. Also, if you’re willing to joke about yourself, you can easily move on towards light teasing, which is a fun way to move conversation along.

Rule number 3: Don’t rely on ‘Dutch courage’

Alcohol does wonderful things when it comes to reducing our inhibition levels; we say things which –as sober individuals- we probably wouldn’t have to courage to do so.

It also makes us say things we don’t mean; it slows our responses and numbs our wits, and a makes our words slurred and our breath toxic to smell.

I’m not saying avoid alcohol entirely; just don’t rely on it to talk to people. Try to get to a point where you feel you can be open and honest around people without a stomach full of booze. You’ll find it works wonders.

For more information and tips, go to:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *